The Not Quite Adventures of a Professional Archaeologist and Aspiring Curmudgeon

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Hotel Research

(note, this post was written a while back, I am not currently at this hotel)

As I write this, I am sitting in my room at a crappy motel. Last night I looked at the wall and noticed that, aside from the mold in the shower, there is also evidence of the previous tennant's spitting habit on the wall next to my bed. And, of course, the motel owner says he'll have the folks clean it - but they don't.

Yep, archaeology is a glamorous occupation.

But, you know, I have my tape measure, my compass, and my graph paper...I could map out the spit pattern on the wall in full detail, draw up a schematic, and pioneer the field of spit-on-the-wall studies. Indeed, what might the patterns of wall spit reveal about the person who had previously occupied this room, and the society from which he came? Why, even now, a myriad of research questions come to mind - was the spitter using chewing tobacco? Was he stoned? Had he had a bad day? Was he having a good night and simply had some odd sexual habits involving saliva and walls? No doubt more questions could be answered, and these are but the tip of the iceberg!

I could then provide a copy of the schematic chart to the motel owner for his approval - in my mind's eye I can see the happiness on his face, as a single, solitary tear of joy rolls down his cheek as he receives this happy gift.

But why stop with the spit patterns? I could also map out the small, brownish stains in the bathroom (I don't want to ponder their origin). Indeed, the entire motel room could conceivably be mapped and examined - who knows what treasure-trove of data exists untapped in the motel room wall stains?

I think I have found my new calling.

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