The Not Quite Adventures of a Professional Archaeologist and Aspiring Curmudgeon

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Let Loose the Chihuahas of War!

The land developer sat in his office. He looked at the photos of his wife and two children on the desk, feeling certain that he had made the right decision. Of course he had made the right decision, Lisa, Jack, and Andrea’s futures would now be secure, as would his. With the new shopping mall being built on the land that he had brokered, he would now have all of the money he needed. He could now relax and enjoy the fruits of his labor – he’d have the peace of mind and the security he needed to be a better husband and better father. Certainly, he would.

Why did this one detail keep bothering him, though.

Sure, we make it out to be a big deal, but is it really? How many thousands…no millions…of people die every day? Why was this one death hanging on his conscience so? He hadn’t even pulled the trigger.

Besides, the man would have prevented the developer’s great works. If he had filed that cultural resources report, the mall would not be built, and the dreams of the developer…the dreams of HIS family…would be unrealized.

No, it was for the best. Everything would be fine.

** ** ** ** **

Across town, at the beach, the Friday night crowd was enjoying the Eddie Money Concert. Between the music, the booze, and the fact that everyone felt secure in their geographic location because Eddie kept telling them where they were, spirits were high. Life was good.

And then the ground began to shake. It was barely noticeable at first, between the vibrations from the sound system and the movement of the crowd, but it became stronger and louder quickly. So, it became clear that the sound was coming from a spot just to the east of the stage, and the crowd began to part, clearing the epicenter of this strange, small earthquake.

Then, without warning, a pillar of flame shot up, piercing a hole in the ground where it exited. As the top of the pillar began to dissipate, and the constituents fly towards the ground, yipping angrily, it became clear that this was no pillar of flame – it was a pillar of flaming Chihuahuas. From the bowels of Hell they came – THE CHIHUAHUAS OF WAR!

As the Chihuahas filled the air above the stage, the column of their kin shooting up from the ground began to dissipate, vanishing after a few minutes as the last of the yappee barking rats from the netherworld flew into the air. All of the Chihuahuas then began to circle above the hole in the ground from where they had come, and a faint glow could be seen emanating from the hole.

The crowd formed a wide circle around the hole, needing to witness whatever would happen next, yet wanting to be far enough to escape.

A figure began to rise from the hole – a human figure, but grabbed in black and with eyes that burned with the fury and despair of Gehenna itself.

The archaeologist had returned from Hell – he had a cultural resources report to file, and a trowel full of furry and hellfire to deliver to a certain land developer.

Thanks to Kaylia for the photo.

1 comment:

Kay said...

Anytime, I just wish the photos of he devil dogs had turned out.

Next time.